Letter of apology.

"My Dear friend,
        People think its very difficult handling real relationships, like families, lovers or marriage whereas friendship is SO much more simpler. But I don't think so.
All relationships are equally difficult to handle.
Today, I know I got you really freaked at me.

And trust me I may not understand how your feeling about it.
But I know I hurt you.
And I never meant to do it, I wish I could prove that to you!
But don't forget you've fought with me the same way loads of times (giggles)!
You've hurt me too.
But slowly things go off well.
And am happy we push these things behind us and walk together again.
Untill now I thought my family members are the only people who I can never actually lose my temper on! Small fights are OK, but i will never ever THROW my anger on them!
But you won't believe,
I was going through alot of rough time till yesturday.
I was having arguments with my sister back-to-back!

On stupid issues.
But bad fights!
I felt she didn't give me enough time. Then yesturday she took an off from work, and trust me, everything was back to fun! We watched movies and ate and slept, acted like total ogres, but spent all our time with each other.

I couldn't believe we were fighting so bad just a day back! The fights that we had, was enough for a couple to break-up (lucky we are sisters)!
There was also a time when I put the blanket over my head and didn't wanna hear anything from her, even though she was crying and needed to talk to me so bad (I know, SO mean).
Thats when I realised,
Every single relationship is the same!
FRAGILE!
And its upto us whether or not to continue living in it, whether we give up or not, even after knowing the flaws and vices in the other person.
This is what I learnt today.
Never give up on me my friend, I know I make mistakes, TERRIBLE ones.
And I know you too can make some, ok wait, maybe many (grinning).
But there will be a day when we can have fun again!
Just like my sister and I did.

So never give up on me my friend, you know I love you.
I will wait for your reply, so next time you grabb your mom's lappy from her, do mail me back.
And lets plan for a movie man! I am hell bored! What do think about 'Fast and furious 5'? ;-) "

Mommy-pie!

Yeah I am missing my mommy!
I flew back to the Indian territory last night, Yeah I actually used the public transport that helps you fly back to your country (god bless air-planes). Many people from Mumbai and Sharjah must have wished on me, and said hi to me, I know, but for the first time I didn't wanna ask them "whats up!".
I already knew the answer ofcourse! My sister was jumping on the airport when she saw me coming! She had missed me, yes! I too did! But now she has to go to the office, much against her wishes, so now that am here, sitting in the house, hunting for a job, and sitting all stressed, I am missing mom making a cup of tea, that would be better than all the juices I would drink here! I am missing mom's head massage! That would beat even the best of the Thailand therapies!
Oh! I am SO grateful to you moma!
I love you!
Waiting for you to come soon and meet me! :(
I had made this video a year back, during one of my projects, when I was asked to make a profile on the person you look upto, an idol, who other than your mommy would make the best idol for you, yeah?!
Who else thinks their mom's their idol?
What's the best thing you love about YOUR mommy-pie?!

Dormitory!

Haigbrown (Girl's school), Candy Block, Spence Block, Loyd Block, New Academic Block, Mess, Evans Hall, W.R.Coles Learning center, and The Staff Quarter.
I stayed in Haigbrown.
Haigbrown had its own sub communities. The Senior Dorm, the Junior Dorm and the Tiny-Tots dorm.
This was my school. Barnes school. This wasn't just my school, it was a community! A community where children and teachers came from all around India and many other countries. How I became a part of this community, is the best experience of my life, that I would like to share with you.

It was the 4th of June 2006
4:00 am. I was all ready wid my trunk and the kit bag and my tuck box..!!
I was not really ready for the new phase of life I was about to face.
Everythin' was goin' to be new.
No friends. No one from my family.
I wasn’t excited. I cried in my bed everynight. I would get up and look for my mom. And see my dorm mates and go off to sleep again with a heavy heart. Get up every mornin' with swollen eyes, sure to be ragged again, sure to miss my family.
I wouldn't like to brush, bathe and even wash clothes! I wanted to just sit and think about my family, or sleep, to get over the depression.
Waited under the tree that was right in front of the Main gate.
Waited to see my sister coming,
Waited to see her takin' me away form here.
Thought how beautiful it would be to go away form here and never come back!
Slowly I accepted the truth.
And decided to believe that these are going to be two small years of my huge life!
That are going to end soon.
I was sure someday I would walk out of this school,
Never lookin' back.

7th April 2010.
6:00 pm.
I was just out of the examination hall.
I just gave my last paper 'Economics'.
4 years have passed.
We had to pack up now.
Pack up forever.
I sat with the same old trunk.
1)Shoving in all the bedsheets and pillow covers (the only ones I was left with, most were robbed, some never came back from the laundry, some got stained so had to throw them away).
2)The only two pairs of uniforms, that now had autographs scribbled from everyone in my community.
3)Many candles that were lit on my friend's and my birthday cakes! (Gosh! One birthday, would mean, ONE weak prior arrangements. Talk to a day-scholar during the school hours, ask him/her to go to the bakery and check with all the flavours and prices of different cakes, he would come the next day, without the info, cause he/she forgot, 2nd day-he/she had important things to do, 3rd day-you get the info, 4th day-you remember you have to ask a day scholar for a birthday card too, 5th day-Ask he/she to get a card, 6th day-he/she went for a movie/wedding/doctor's check-up etc etc.7th day-you BEGG, 8th day-"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
4)My mosquito net, that could now invite anything huge!
5)My bathroom slippers, out of which one was broken, all thanks to Rhea (my friend and an ex-bully, not exactly an ex-bully, but you can say a bully turned friend who still bullied me), who tried to shove her huge legs in my tiny slippers.
I couldn't believe, that just a day back, I was sittin' in the bathroom with my friends studying.
All thanks to the junior girls who asked 4 d lights off!
I had achieved soo much by now. "No regrets" I wouldn't say.
I had sumthin' to be proud of.
I was a house caption now!
But I had many fights. BAD ONES.
For the bucket under the geezer tap, for the cubicle in the bathroom, for the washing machine!
I barely know what I actually didn't fight for!
I remember starting with a new resolution of loosin' weight by excersin' every morning.
AAArrrghh..!!!
The girls smelled of garlic that they chewed every morning to lose weight!
6)Box-in which I stored eggs. I put eggs in my hair.
I trust all the beauticians with thier beauty tips in the magazines.
That didn't change the texture of my hair, but it got on the nerves of every single girl of my dorm!
Infact all the dorms.
7)My swimming costume. I regret I didn't swim in the swimming pool.
I was fat and too embarrassed to step inside the swimming pool!
I sat in 1 corner like an idiot watchin' my  friends enjoyin'.
Thats not the only place you would see me sittin' in a corner.
There wer other places.
Like..
The athletics field and the Socials.
8)My part wears. Am going to miss the fashion shows in the girl's dorm, a night before the socials.
9)My 'Barnes school cap' that I wore during the march pasts every morning  under the sun but upon the cool grass (+ the dragon flies).
10)The love letters I recieved, that were sent from the boy's school to the girl's school, by the help of the head boy and the head girl's help, passed with so much of risk, any teacher catches it, that day would be your 'DAY OF JUDGEMENT' and the dormitory would turn into an abattoir.
The Dinner bell rang while I was packing the stuff. I knew I was going to miss the orange and the pink sunsets, the die-hard punishments like, running towards the flagpost (a mile away from the mess), standing next to the bell, kneeling in the study hall, standing in the mess while eating (this one I hated the most).

Now that my trunk lies in 1 corner of my house.
I am even more scared to open it and take a look at the stuff.
More scared than the 1st day of the school.
And now the fear is because I know i am no longer with my friends.
with the bed, the study table, the old walls of the dormitory, the mud and the grass in the rains, the freezing cold winters, the burning hot summers, the building that would become monuments in the next 20 years!
YES! I belong to Barnes School, Devlali. Established in 1921 with 250 acres of land, situated on a plateau, with the world famous spot for leapord habitation, along with Devlali Air force station and the military camp.

I AM PROUD OF MY SCHOOL, and the community which I have belonged to once in my life, something I will never be able to erase from my brain. 

Blogging is 4D! Nothing like ever before!

I see things, I like, I go capture it in a cam!
I like a perfume, I like, I carry it home in my shopping bag!
I hear a good song, I like, I buy the Album!
I want to say something I like, I say it!
I want to eat something good, I like, I eat it!

But how do I express how I feel with people all around the world?

Ofcourse there are many of ways of doing that, and different people opt for different ways of communicating with others.

Well I opt for sitting on the net and BLOGGING!

I am a student, I dont work, neither do I have kids to worry my soul out, And I am luckily single, hate to see the way my friends fall in love so fast and drop out of love faster than that!(You can never fall OUT of love, maybe they are just infatuated) ANYWAYS
My dad always has a question in his 'engineer' brains, "Why do you need to BLOG and why do need to tell the whole world about stuff? "

And there the little rat in my brain starts running on the wheel fast!

I answer to the 'science brain' in the most 'creative' manner!

"When I capture a picture, it may say a lot of things in itself, different people may have different opinions about it. How would I explain what I want to say about the picture, and what made me put up my cam and click that picture?

3D is only 3D. Writing can be 4D! I can write how I felt seeing something!
When I smell something, I cannot capture it anywhere but in my writings! I can explain the way I smell something through words.

And to your second question dad, If I dont blog my thoughts, I am missing out on meeting many people of similar thoughts! And the only people I will know in this world will be the small bunch of friends I hang out with and just my family. Reading others blog helps me learn about things I have never heard of! How much will I learn and grow if I dont do that?!

Theres a huge world out there! Its fun to see how people all around the world can see these little things I post, I feel good, just the way I used to feel when you, mom and all my teachers used to praise me even for my scribbled stuff I called ART!"

Lady Mama better than Gaga ;)

I am trying to teach myself a few important things.
But I forget about them very soon.
I land up doing either the same mistakes, or worse than them.
Good that I have people who forgive me all the time. I cant imagine my life without 'forgiveness'
I guess Someone great made this feeling just for people like me. Cause I need forgiveness ALL THE TIME man!

When am doing something wrong, I know am doing it wrong, I can hear my heart say "DONT DO IT KHUSHBU, YOUR MAKING A MISTAKE" I still have the audacity to go ahead and do it! And then when am proved wrong. I cry and ask for forgiveness. And how sweet of people who are nice enough to say "Its ok sweetheart!"

Like for example, I collected the washed clothes from the balcony today, walked in happily, joyfully, listening to hip-hop tracks playing in my 'awesum-mood' playlist!

My mom gave me a dead stare!

She doesnt appreciate me working-listening to music-singing-dancing together, she believes I dont work with whole concentration and I tend to spoil the broth! Which I know I would do any which ways, am not a 'perfectionist' like my mom or Amir khan, niether am I a 'hygiene freak', again, like my mom.

My heart told me "Khushbu, you know she doesnt like it, why do you wanna take a risk?"

Ignorant bit of my behaviour told me "Its ok man! Why to worry so much?! Oooowww keep on dancing till the world ends, world ends, world ends!"
I did'nt know 'not listening to mom' is going to fire back at me so fast!

Something did warn me, but I ignored it. And now was the time to pay for it!

I DROPPED MY MOM'S HANDKERCHIEF ON THE FLOOR!

I would have picked it up and acted normal and never told her about the MAJOR incident that happend with her kerchief.

Yes, I would have felt really sad when she would have carried it along with her the next day, thinking shes carried her 'amazingly hygienic' handkerchief, which shes washed with so much care, unknown to the fact that it has been fallen on the floor, which too maybe swept and swabbed with more amount of concentration from her 'stock of concentration towards her work'.But she would have never known about it.

But seems I was sure to face chips today.
I dropped it right in front of her eyes!
Gosh, How I wish It didn't fall while I was passing by the kitchen door!
How I wish She dint pay attention!
How would she do that?!
Shes a SUPER-WOMEN!
She pays attention to every activity that happens around her!

My expression was the reflection of all the crises I knew was going to follow this incident.
Everything seemed so terrible at that moment.
I wished I had a time-machine some where in my house, and I could just catch the kerchief before it touched the forbidden floor!

But obviously I was not that lucky.

So now, I have created problems for myself.

I will never be able to hear music while doing anything.

Shes has confesticated my ear phones!

I am in grief.

Now I cant hear music even when am taking a shower. I have lost the freedom to hear music!

But I have a solution to this.

Where there's tears, there's always a way!

I will walk like a zombie, talk like a zombie and show how sad I am and then in the next 12 hours mom's gonna come to me, kiss me, give me a nice hug, and tell me how important it is to pay attention to 1 thing at a time, and then I will apologise, and after an hour i will go to her and tell her how much I need my ear phones.

Who still thinks I aint gonna get those electronic equipments that make my life better and worse at times, when I totally dedicate my time to them.

But I am trying to learn things from her. I am sure am I going to grow up a 'hygiene freak' just like her!
No doubts about that!

Thanks to the Lady Mama, whose way better than Gaga. Lame joke, but very true.



I am feeling just the way my feet feels while walking on a beach!
 
Cold, scared and difficult to make a move....


But at the same time...


 I have the strength to walk back on a road, even though i can STILL feel Earth move beneath my feet!